Midnight at the ADHD Lost and Found by Carol Stobie

Sadly but truly, losing things goes with our job description as ADHDers. 

My keys have turned up in the garden, the gap beside the passenger seat, the bed, an endless series of coat pockets or bags I used just for one evening, the bottom of the bin, and the classic – down the side of the sofa. Sometimes years after changing the locks and ordering new keys. 

Occasionally it makes for a great story. Long ago, a wee blue welly fell off our small son’s foot as we carried him in a baby backpack through Highland heather. Thanks to our fetching photo-poster, it returned to us weeks later, with a sweet note from an English family who’d visited the area after us. Luckily, it still fitted him. Some ten years afterwards, his adorable button-festooned woolly hat, heart-breakingly lost in Pitlochry, was magically retrieved from the mud and leaves by a retired teacher. She set out to trace the Law Primary School pupil whose name was sewn inside (thank God I ‘d managed that, at least). The lovingly cleaned hat was parcelled up and reached us via the school office. My P7 son was even inspired to write a short story about these events, eventually printed in the local paper. 

Not that I recommend losing things, in case it leads to new friendships or inspires creativity. It usually doesn’t. 

It’s not just us ADHDers who lose things. It happens to most children, tired parents, the ageing, and many others. But we seem to suffer this particularly often and severely.  

Our Procrastination Station postgrads’ Peer Group this week shared some colourful, cathartic tales of items lost, the consequences and calamities.  

Keys, glasses, passports, wallets, ID, bank cards, clothing, mobiles and more. 

But we also shared some hard-won tips and tricks to reduce the number of times this happens in the future.  

We know we won’t stop losing stuff altogether, but we can definitely improve the odds. Here, integrated with my researches, are some of our favourite tips, grouped under handy headings to note down in our latest colourful, shiny notebooks and/or nagging electronic calendars. 

Make it harder to lose. Try accessorising bizarrely, brightly and beautifully to make our items harder to lose. (Why are mobiles usually black?) Attach them to you, or something you’ll always have with you – make them harder to let go of. A sort of mini leash on my house keys attaches them to my bag, allowing me to unlock the door without detaching them. Straps for mobiles; cords, lanyards or more decorative ways to hang glasses and other items round your neck. 

Corral it. Putting it in the same damn place every time you come home. Keep like with like objects. Seems obvious, yet how many of us have designated a ‘launchpad’ where we religiously put things for later retrieval when we depart? My favourite is the woman who puts her mobile into the shoes she’ll have to put on to go back outside. 

Put. Stuff. Away. Daily (yawn). 

Digital tricks. Some of us have learnt how to use clever apps, Air Tags, Tiles, Find My Phone. Not all of us have got to grips with these (stop looking at me pityingly). And of course, all those digital alarms and reminders that drive some of us so crazy we switch them onto Do Not Disturb mode, with fatal consequences like crucial missed calls from irritated loved ones (still me). 

Mindfulness rituals. Bear with me. It can be helpful to develop a ritual pause – for example, as we emerge from the car or front door – saying to ourselves, “I am holding my keys and my mobile in my hand. My purse is in my bag…”, maybe even touching each object as we say it to ourselves. (I’m not advocating out loud, if you’re with someone who might be freaked out – or mock you.) This might not seem like your thing. But it’s worth a try and can help bring us back to presence in the moment. So is the wee “locking the door dance” one of us uses! 

Making a list. I know – lists can torture us. But there’s a value in using a mini checklist for what you need to take along, then sticking that list somewhere Really Annoyingly Visible (floor, doorknob…) that you simply can’t ignore as you start to head out.  

I couldn’t function without my ridiculously lengthy holiday packing list, its design evolving over the years with tickboxes, edited and printed out for each trip, silently forcing me to place each item in bag or suitcase and tick it off.  

Copied of these are issued to husband and son, which irritates them. They don’t tick the boxes, which irritates me. But they know that without those lists, we would leave without the vital earplugs, board game, quizbook for boring journeys, sandwich boxes, decent peeler and other items we’ve learnt we can’t do without on our self-catering holidays. We can never, ever rely on memory for these things, trust me.  

Tasks for Today – some of us favour the Kanban-style method – just three tasks for today, written on a blackboard. Nothing else! Others, the Bullet Journal in which we have to write EVERYTHING down, over and over till it’s done. 

Talking to someone helpful – like your organised friend (and potential Body Double?). Or having a weekly Family/Flatmates’ Meeting to go through stuff on the calendar so we can remind each other of appointments, stuff that needs fixing, etc. Find an Accountability Boddy. 

So there are some ideas for you to try! Why not let us know in the comments which tricks you use to not lose stuff – and whether it works? Or else the weirdest place you’ve ever lost anything. No judgement here!  

Carol, July 2024 

PS My title carries an echo, for those of a certain age, of the works of Meat Loaf. That could be either good or bad.

Carol Stobie

Director, Procrastination Station

Peer Group Facilitator

May 2024

 

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